I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my being single is dangerous.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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