He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
