Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize