I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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