Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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