When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
