whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
