her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
