If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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