So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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