I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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