His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
