i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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