mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
