Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize