No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
