Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
