Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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