ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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