I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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