Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
