Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
