haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
