So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
