Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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