i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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