Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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