how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she smelled like a LAN party
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
