weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
