out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
