i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
