I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
