so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
