Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
