I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
