There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
