the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
