it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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