I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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