Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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