btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
