Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
