I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just found puke in my bra..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
