I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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