I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize