I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
