I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
