guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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