you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Welp...herpes.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
