So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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