Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am in a vortex of obligation.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
