i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
