it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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