oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
