how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
