I heard we made out
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
