I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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