i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
