I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
