i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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