but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
