Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
