how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
