A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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