Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
