a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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