You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
