dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Shame is for Republicans.
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