just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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