I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
