Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize