U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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