You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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