Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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